My mother started every day with a cigarette and black coffee. My father had corn flakes and a little shot of whiskey "for his heart." There were no Bibles in my house, but if it was a good year we went to church on Christmas and Easter.

As for me, I kept a bottle of holy water on my dresser all through junior high and high school. But I'd started drinking at 14, and by the time I got to high school that little bottle with a big, black cross on it had become my flask.

As an adult, I traveled all over the world as a flight attendant. Somewhere along the line I adopted the philosophy that variety was the spice of life, and I thought that the more experiences you had, the happier you'd be. So I experimented with everything.

There were lots of parties, plenty of alcohol, drugs and sex—it was a free-for-all. Cosmopolitan was my theology book, and it was telling me that if I did this and that, it would make me happy. But all too often, after a night of partying and doing things that were supposed to make me happy, I would wake up and say, "Is this it? How come it doesn't make me happy?"

I still had all the big questions about life. Questions like, "What is my purpose?" and "Where will I go when all of this is over?" I didn't have any answers, and neither did any of my friends.

Then in May 1980, I was invited to a big, social wedding in Miami. The bride was an old friend of mine from high school, so I decided to go. I'd heard she'd gotten religious, but I thought that was OK—until I heard they wouldn't be serving alcohol. That was way too religious for me.

I, however, was a resourceful flight attendant, as well as a thief, so I filled my little, beaded evening bag with vodka miniatures from the airplane and went to the wedding.

The wedding was elegant. Almost 400 people showed up, and they spared no expense. When the minister got up to speak that night, he began by saying that God had a plan for love and marriage. I had never heard that before. He also spoke about Jesus. He said that Jesus had left all the glory of heaven to be the Savior of the world. He said that Jesus, the baby of Bethlehem, had become the man of Calvary and died on a cross for our sins. And he said Jesus rose from the dead three days later, proving that He was who He claimed to be.

But the most important thing the minister said that night was that Jesus would take all of your sins and guilt if you asked Him. He said Jesus would forgive your past, your present and your future, and give you a full and meaningful life.

Now I was sitting in the church with a purse full of vodka and a ton of guilt for the way that I had been living—for all the lying, the sex with different men, the drugs, the alcohol, the abortions. I was so heavy with guilt and shame that it's hard to express it. Yet that night, I believed Jesus had died for me. I prayed a simple little prayer along with the minister and asked Jesus to forgive me, to come into my life and to make me the kind of woman He wanted me to be.

After that, I went on to the reception, put the vodka in the punch cups and had a great party. Nothing emotional had happened. On the outside, I looked just the same. But on the inside, I was clean and forgiven.

I didn't understand it all then, but I sensed I'd made the right decision. It amazed me that Jesus took me just the way I was in order to begin a personal relationship with me. I've never gotten over it.

As a new believer I began to pray, because I was told you could talk to God about anything. So I did. Poor God—He heard it all. Walking with Christ is definitely a process that doesn't happen overnight. It still isn't finished either. But I learned from 1 John 1:9 that "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (King James Version).

I'd enjoyed my new life in Christ for about six months when I started dating a cute, non-Christian guy named Tom. On our first date, I tried to explain to him what had happened to me at the wedding—how I had asked Jesus to come into my life and how He'd forgiven me. But I still had a lot of baggage from my former life, and a few weeks later I ended up sleeping with Tom.

Right after that little rendezvous, I went to Madrid. I took my new Bible and read in John 14:15 that Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." He didn't say, "Keep my commandments to earn My love."

I started to cry, because after knowing Jesus for just a few months, I did love Him. He had forgiven me and accepted me just like I was, and had become real in my life. Yet I hadn't kept His command.

I remember getting down on my knees to pray by the little bed in my hotel. I said something like, "I do love You, Jesus, but now I think I love Tom—but I'll give You the sex." Then I thought, Lord, this is the 1980s! How am I going to do this?

I cried all the way back to Miami. When I got home, I broke up with Tom, hard though it was, and began living faithfully for Christ.

Now it's been almost 19 years since I was involved in an immoral relationship, and that's a total miracle. I was so promiscuous. It's been tough at times. But God has given me the grace and the power to stay out of sexual sin. I've also had a wonderful Christian counselor who's been helping me learn how to set boundaries with men, and how to love myself and have respect for myself. It sounds all neat and tidy now, but it has been hard to face the pain of a chaotic life and change old patterns. The sweetest victories, though, have come from the freedom God has given me to live for Him rather than continuing a lifestyle full of alcohol and immorality.

It is God's kindness, and tenderness, that has led me to change. He has never forced His will on me. As I learn more about quieting myself in the presence of God and reflecting on His Word, He has changed me. God never instructs me to do more religion or to do more activities. Instead, He has worked in my life as I have spent time alone with Him. It's definitely a process. Maybe the most amazing thing to me is that He would choose to use me with my many weaknesses and anxieties.

It's comforting to know that God said, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go" (Psalm 32:8). He wants us to know His will for our lives, and that's why He gave us the Scripture. I have been through some very difficult times of grief and loneliness, and a very scary time when I had cancer. But God has led me, through His Word. It's our road map.

God wants us to have joy and meaning in life. At times, His ways are opposite of our feelings, but His ways are never dead ends. They always lead to life—abundant life. And a life filled with more happiness than anything I ever got from Cosmopolitan.

Debbie Peterson, a 17-year Campus Crusade for Christ staff member, works with the Women of Faith conferences. She lives in Coral Gables, Fla.