THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE WIFE

Submission. I sense that the average woman develops a touch of paranoia just at the mention of the word! Often, I can't blame her, when I consider some of the erroneous concepts we have acquired concerning what submission on the part of a wife really means. So I would like to clarify for you what is really meant by "submission" and how God defines the responsibility of a wife.

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord," we read in Ephesians 5:22-24. "For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."

MEET THE DESIGNER

First of all, who designed this "chain of command"? Who gave us guidelines for a successful, happy Christian home where the relationship between husband and wife is truly fulfilling? I didn't. Nor did Paul or Peter -- all they were doing was conveying that which God had communicated to them. It is God who has a plan for the home. He has defined what our responsibilities are to be.

How submission works in the home is emphasized by Peter in his first epistle: "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.¹ Here, Peter is saying that the wife's attitude is to be that of loving submission toward her husband whether or not he is a believer in Jesus Christ.

The phrase "be submissive" is written in the present tense. This means it must be a continuous attitude. It is also written in the imperative tense -- it is a command.

NOT TO BE DEMANDED

Notice that there is no imperative address to the husband in the Scriptures: "Be sure you make your wife submissive." Husbands are not to demand the submission of their wives; instead, as we saw last month, husbands are commanded to love their wives "just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.² He is to be the initiator of love. The woman is to submit herself to his leadership; and this is a decision that the woman must make for herself, under God.

As I said earlier, I don't know of any aspect of home life in which we have more hangups than in this area of submission. Many people believe that leadership of the husband means the wife is inferior. This is heresy -- as persons, man and woman are totally equal.³ As marriage partners, however, there is a functional difference between the two, and that difference in responsibilities was designed by God.

If it is a problem for you as a woman to submit yourself to the headship of your husband, you have a deeper problem -- the spiritual problem of submitting yourself under the headship of Christ who taught this relationship.

EVERYONE TO SUBMIT

In addition, although it is the responsibility of the wife to submit to her husband, somehow we have communicated to people that she is the only person responsible under God for submission. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Paul, in Ephesians 5:21, tells his readers to "be subject to one another in the fear (reverence) of Christ. What does it mean to be subject to one another? As members of the body of Christ, we all need each other. We are committed to each other because we are the family of God. And by the control of the Holy Spirit we are to subject ourselves to each other -- to be willing to yield to the needs, decisions and ideas of those with whom we are in daily contact. The natural thing is to demand our rights and to not submit to anyone; it's the supernatural thing to be unselfish and to submit to one another.

WHAT IS SUBMISSION?

In Philippians 2:3-5 we find the most beautiful example of the meaning of submission: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

Men and women, Jesus Christ set the paramount example of submission. The only reason you and I have the opportunity to know God personally today is that Jesus willingly submitted Himself to the Father's will that He die for our sins. Furthermore, before anyone – man or woman -- can ever willingly submit himself to others, he must experience the regenerating power of Jesus Christ and submit himself to the will of God for his own life. There is no greater fulfillment than that.

WHY SUBMIT?

Turn in your Bible to I Peter 2:21-25. As I read this account of how Jesus Christ submitted to the will of God, several points impress me. First, the real test of submission is not how others act toward you -- but how you respond. That is why Peter said that Jesus, while being reviled, did not revile in return. "... While suffering, He uttered no threats..." -- despite the fact that all power was at His disposal.

My friend, as a man or woman involved in your daily relationships, or as a wife trying to submit to your husband, there are many occasions when you may have the right to retaliate in some way when you are wronged. But the responsible act is to give up that right, in order to fulfill your responsibility before God to submit.

The second point I note is that there is a third party to every action and reaction -- God. Jesus Christ committed Himself to God, "who judges righteously." He was willing to have His case rest with His Father.

Often I meet women who are in very intolerable home situations where God is calling them to submit. Sometimes they say to me, out of the agony of their experience, "But you don't understand!" And I go back to this passage of Scripture to show them that God understands. He sees everything that happens; He sees how we react. We are never alone in the process of submitting to others.

Third, I see the fact that when you consider the ultimate goal of submission to the will of God, it is worth the cost. It is worth any suffering. We read that the purpose, or outcome, of Jesus' death was that we would "die to sin and live to righteousness."

We each need to be willing to endure, by the grace that God provides, that which humanly may be, very difficult to take -- knowing that the end result will be worth it all.

BY YOUR 'WALK'

Consider the Christian woman who errantly married a non-Christian individual. How can she now win her husband to Jesus Christ? One way she can not do it is by her conversation. It's not by her talk; it's by her walk. It's not by going home after a Bible study and cramming the Bible down the throat of her husband. It's by living in submission to him and to the Lord that will bring the husband to Jesus Christ. Why? Because that will be proof positive of God's supernatural work in the heart of the wife.

May I ask you, wives, are you making it easier or harder for your husband to sustain his place of leadership? Are you submitting, but fighting it all the way? Is your attitude one of bitterness and hostility? If so, then you will never know the joy of fulfillment in your role as a wife. Your attitude will accomplish nothing except to make you a bitter person.

REAL BEAUTY

Peter goes on in I Peter 3:3, 4, to discuss how a woman's beauty is not measured simply by her external appearance. The outside is merely a reflection of the inside, and when she cultivates the wardrobe of the soul, she gets more beautiful every year that goes by. When God begins to take over in your life, you become infinitely more attractive to your husband, despite the fact that you are growing old. As Peter says, "Let ... the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit" be apparent in your life. This is the thing that is precious in the sight of God.

I'm quite convinced that the one thing Satan wants to do more than anything else is to destroy the unity of our homes and prevent us from experiencing the joy God has for us there. It is more and more evident every day that the institutions of marriage and family are on shaky ground. A return is desperately needed to the foundations which God designed for each home to function in harmony.

I'm asking you, husband and wife, to come to grips with the fact that God has blueprints for your home, and to subject yourselves to those plans. You can fight them, but it is not until you submit to them willingly that God may begin to work.

1. I Peter 3:1,2; 2. Ephesians 5:25; 3. Galatians 3:28.

THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE WIFE

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